Day #1 Again
The Release
"The Text Messages"
This journey began in March 2022. I didn't know what was happening until I started diving deep into my spiritual gifts. I am a tarot card reader, an ordained minister, and a Reiki healer.
This is just a glimpse of my journey. I used my blog as my diary. There are plenty more here. Join my community.
I will be publishing an interactive book here. It's called The Release. This is probably the ending. I will share all the details leading up to this release.
✨️Please comment and let me know what you think. Book with me and/ or follow me on all social media platforms:
april_thedivinegoddess
Let's Dive in!
9/27/2023 4:04 AM
Actual text Messages 🙄 😒 🤦🏽♀️🤣
Chaser:
Hey,
I am not sure what's going on. I can't sleep. I just knew this person was connected to my soul (my person). He makes me feel amazing; I can't break this feeling in my heart.
You want to try with me but don't think I'm worth it. I let go, but I still feel you. I can't even sleep.
Moving forward with him ( my fiance) won't be fair if I still feel this way about you.
I know you are focused on your work. I will do the same, too.
I love you. I have no idea why. God blessed me with a beautiful person, but I would never hurt another human being and pretend he is my person. I am leaving because Baltimore is not where I want to be anymore.
Everything in my life is great except for my love life 😅. I know that means I am not entirely healed. I need to retreat.
I am letting him go today, which is crazy. I already made plans to really be with him. I told my family, but I realized I wouldn't be happy even if that were the plan.
I will go and be free. He will love me. Hopefully, he will want to be friends, but I choose me. My happiness will always be wrapped in love, but I will find myself without it.
I am going to pour into myself. I am okay with that. I wanted another child, but I don't need one. I want to speak, travel, and hopefully touch someone's life.
I heard your tone, and I apologize. I just knew you felt what I did, but I heard you yesterday.
I get it. You were my muse, freeing me from thinking I needed or wanted love. The only love I need is myself.
I chose me. I was wondering what my show would be about today. This is it: self-love and choosing me.
I pray these feelings go away, but you will never have to hear about them again if they don't.
Runner:
No Reply!
Chaser:
9/27/2023 9:39 AM
I will start my book; I have so much to say, hence this paragraph. Thank God for allowing me to meet you.
I am sure this love will last a while, but I will appreciate what could have been.
I heard you, and the 3rd week in October is too late and no longer necessary.
Your words and actions speak volumes. Continue to soar, my friend.
I have erased all of my beautiful messages to you. I need this book to be about me.
This will be the only message I include because it will be the beginning of my choosing myself.
I love you, and I am finally at peace with that.
Goodbye, my beautiful friend. I will not ever forget you. Yes, this is the last paragraph. 😅♥️
Chaser:
9/27/2023 9:39 AM
This is who you are. I turned on TikTok, and this popped up. I saw things, but this defines it.
Our birthdays are 214 and 514.
It's more. This is why I feel like this. It's okay. It just bothered me. I did some math, and I have seen 7s, 2s, 1s, 234, 414, and lately,616 and 919.
Our birthday is somehow tied to 7.
You're the runner, and I am chasing you.
I get it, but it's wild. I am glad I saw this.
Wow, and the last text to you was at 456.
This is unbelievable. I am awake. I think you know who I am, and you don't want it.
That's true. I am at peace; your entire dream will come true, and you will run.
This is an unbelievable world. I am okay. I release you, but you never have to see me again. I will be okay with it.
I said no more text, but this was weird. I believe you know that, and I can feel you do not want me. I am texting and smiling because I can see your beautiful face, and my phone vibrates for confirmation.
I do love you, but I love me enough for both of us.
I love people too much to drag a person I don't want to be with.
I started the book. This will be page 3.
It's "Called The Release"
DAY #1 Again!
Thank you! 😊
I apologize. I am just in my head. I wasn't trying to be mean.
I can't be with anyone because my heart is stuck on you.
Just live your life. I know you're working.
I am just upset because I am feeling stuck and confused. It has nothing to do with you.
I am losing my mind. I can't help the way I feel, and neither can you.
Take care. I will be here because I don't know what to do.
I had to let my mom know because I was going insane trying to manage these emotions alone. She says she wants to meet you.
I said, "Good luck with that."
I will be fasting, praying, and asking God for guidance.
I apologize if I was mean; I am just hurt.
I love you❤️
I can't sleep. I am so messed up.
I haven't told him yet. I don't want to hurt him.
He's in love. I am obsessed with a person I don't know.
I know you are going through your shit, but I am hurt.
I will call a therapist because I must be losing my mind. This shit is getting crazy.
I am crying my eyes out. Like I just lost my best friend.
I have no friends anymore because I cut everyone off.
I should tell you everything, but I literally can feel you not giving a fuck because you have your shit.
I feel like you belong to me, and I am upset with you because you don't understand me.
I try not to text, but I think you understand me.
They may lock me away for this crazy shit, but I am lost and don't know what to do.
I don't have anyone to talk to.
I am alone, and trust me, happy until the night or those stupid moments and thoughts of us come.
I don't know what to do. I healed from everything but this.
I tried everything, and I can't get rid of it.
I know your heart is elsewhere, and I want you to be happy.
I want my peace back, and I want to be happy, too.
This is so unfair. I do apologize. I am so fucking pissed.
My life is so good until this shit!
I am crying like we have been together for years, and you left me.
This is the second phase of the dark night of the soul😅.
I am going to schedule an appointment in the morning. I pray they understand because I don't.
I am so apologetic, but I am absolutely in love with you.
I can't take it anymore! It's hurting so bad.
I am not telling you because I hoped you could come to me. I have no one who will understand this, and I pray you do.
Runner Response:
I appreciate your words. I don't understand why it's hard to understand, and I do not know how to make it right. Stop crying. Things will be OK.
Chaser reply:
Thanks for responding. It's not you. It's me. I may be really in need of some real help.
I will be okay. This shit is so crazy. I wouldn't say I like these feelings.
Runner Reply:
You don't need help. You are having normal emotions. It's not you. It's me; I am just not ready to settle down until I am in a good head space.
Chaser Reply:
I do need help. You don't know me. I can't force myself on you.
I don't even know you, but I feel you all the time. I think about you every day, including today. I really can't handle this anymore.
You don't owe me anything.
I don't know why I feel this way about you.
Runner Reply:
I don't know why. What I do to you.
Chaser Reply:
Nothing. That's why I am so confused.
Ever since I met you, I felt like we knew one another before and like you and I were connected.
We never did anything. All we did was talk a few times, but I developed these crazy feelings while I was healing during Ramadan.
You asked me to wait until that was done. You never came, but I found myself in the process.
I know you went back to your ex. I was okay, but my heart and soul started to long for you.
I began to get visions. It was wild. You know it because I told you.
I don't know what happened. I can't take it anymore.
Runner Reply:
What do you want from me?
Chaser Reply:
I want you! I want to be with you forever. You are my person. I wish you could see and feel everything I did, and you would know. I don't want to force myself on you; it's unfair.
It hurts me so bad.
Thank you for responding. I know it's hard for you. I did cry myself to sleep😅
I genuinely apologize. I will try not to bother you again. It's hard! I can't remember anyone's number, but yours is programmed in my head.
I woke up praying that you would respond. I love you, and I don't know what to do.
I feel like you were or are with someone, and you told them about this.
I don't care about that. They will read about it one day.
I will talk about it once I figure out what's happening.
I would not wish this heartache on anyone. I am a healer, and when I have experience, whenever things go wrong, I am strong. This won't be the last time I tell her I know these feelings are genuine and that you belong with me.
It's our divine destiny to be together ❤️. This pull on my heart and soul is natural!
I do know what it is.
I know you do, too, because you feel it. That's the reason you are not happy.
She might be a soulmate, but she is not me. You won't have everything until you connect with me.
Keep running if it's what you need to do, but I will be sitting here hurting and praying for God to release this painful am at peace attachment.
I know someone else just as I do! I can never truly love anyone but you because that's what God had planned for us.
I don't need to know what's going on. The average person will never understand, but you and whoever knows.
I never want to be mean to you, and I can not allow myself to be taken as a fool.
I know these messages pull you away, so I will write them in my blog instead of sending them to you.
I am starting an intense fast today to cleanse myself of everything unpure. To help with my drinking because these feelings have brought it back these last three days.
I love you, and what I want is forever with my person.
I deserve it. If you will never see it, you are not the one.
I pray daily for God to take these feelings away because my peace is in jeopardy.
I believe yours is, too. If you have nothing for me, it's okay.
I am your peace, a happy place, and a dream come true, just as you would be for me.
Tell her or whoever the person is you don't belong to her. You are not it. You belong to me. I apologize for being selfish.
I don't want to hurt anyone, but it's destined.
They don't want you. They only follow what you can do for them.
Me, I love you with everything. I will work for my things as I have been doing my whole life.
This is not goodbye, now, because I am weak for you. Until the next time the pain hits, I can't take it!
I will speak about you tonight on my spiritual channel. I have been hurt, and I am grateful you would not share, but I believe.
Confirmation is I hear sirens a whole bunch. 😅
An average person can't handle this alone. God built me for this because I am okay. Despite
Thank you, my king!
I am not giving up, but I will no longer chase you. I am your queen and will not allow myself to do that.
You will know that I am hurting and longing for you because you know this is real. She can't break the feeling, only you and God.
If you genuinely desire to be with another person, I'll also pray for you to be with yours.
Until then, you are mine, and I apologize to her; I must defend my destiny until God tells me otherwise.
Have a fantastic day, my love❤️!...
If I have another crazy moment, unlike last night, I will call and text you another long paragraph until it goes away.
I love you, and I don't care anymore. I can't run from it. I will pray for the release of this twin-flame journey. I am sorry.
I want to be loved and be in love with you ♥️camehaser next day, no response from runner:
Chaser Reply: of
I can't leave until I see you. Please be honest with me, and let me know if October works. If not, I will go.
I told him I couldn't move forward, so you know I was serious.
Runner:
Ok and yes
One hour later:
You ok,
Chaser:
Yes. Thank you.
I sent a picture of me at the desk, staring at nothing.
This is so wild. I can't stop thinking about you, you. You and I don't even know who you are💋.
I am sitting in my office, supposed to be working. I am headed to eat—I break my fast at 5 p.m.
I am just going to pretend you're on vacation until you come home😘
I miss you❤️
Runner:
He called, and I poured out my heart. He pulled all the way back and told me everything. I didn't want to hear. He is not ready for a commitment. He is moving to North Carolina to start a business. He says he was calling to make sure I was okay.
Edited 12/22/2024 6 am EST
It's like he took pride in hurting me. I am so grateful this is over. I posted this and read it several times, but it was released with the unedited version. I can now see he was karmic for me. He competed with me, and I whipped his ass. I bet he read this and is pissed that he no longer has me in his energy.
I see you, and I feel you. You are hurting. Now that the tables have turned, you feel disconnected. That relationship you are in is my payback. You can have it all; keep watching. God sees everything.
He constantly confuses me and pushes me away when I am all in. He says all he wants is peace, and he has that. He says everything I say. I don't want a relationship where I must beg and fight for it.
I took a break from writing, but guess what? I walked outside. I just wanted to let you know my washing machine is broken. I am headed to do laundry. I have a flat tire and no gas. All while going through this feeling of my soul falling out. My faith is indeed being tested. I have no friends except God and social media. This book is about to be my savior. It will be a diary, and this story is of my twin flame journey, so stick around!
Day #1 Again
Those are text messages that I sent to my twin flame. That person is the one connection we long for. I must say this journey has been insane. I met this person in a nightclub in March 2023. It is a famous club in Baltimore City on the east side of Greenmount Ave. That's it, no names. I went there a lot on Mondays to mingle.
I found this man at the bar in the back where I always sat. I looked over, and there he was. His smile lit up the room beautifully, and I walked over and said, "You have a beautiful smile." I swear I felt like a man walking over to a woman. I stood there with my drink, and he was there. I don't know if I was drunk or if the fact that I was standing right next to him took over, but it did.
Everyone in the room became invisible, and I poured my heart out to this man I didn't know. I told him everything I could to keep him standing next to me. We talked for hours, and I just felt like it was magic. I didn't see anyone else. All I saw was him and that radiant light shining off of him. I was utterly taken aback. I think I fell in love at that moment. He even called when he got home. It was like all I wanted to do was talk to him all day.
We had beautiful conversations where we felt free to express our most profound parts of one another. I told him things I had never said out loud. I was free. It was like therapy.
Days went on, and for some reason, we never met again. We made plans but never kept them. We met a few weeks before Ramadan, and he was going to partake in it. He told me he didn't want to start anything and then had to end it while he practiced.
Day #1 Again
11/12/2023
I am not keeping track of the dates I come and write, but this is my blog, and you read it or you won't. I am back to tell you what I feel needs to be said. I pray you are watching me on Instagram and Facebook. Reading my blog on
www.healoutloud7714.com. If not, you should be. You can keep up. This is a collection of my life. I don't want to write, but I have to. My stories are life-changing. Focus and listen. This thing will be all over the place. The place you end up at is where you are supposed to be.
I wrote this on my phone so that you know. If you are thinking about it, do it. Write a book, start your channel, blog, or whatever that phone is for you.
Message: “What has occurred thus far.”
This is what has happened. My person and I spoke again for almost 51 minutes. It was unbelievable. I thought we were done, but my heart opened as soon as we talked.
Guess what? I was engaged because I was ready to have sex, and I thought God sent him. We got engaged on 9/14/2023. I know that's unbelievable, but I have been through so much with love that I had to move on. I just wanted a different kind of experience, so I just went with the one that was far away to ease my pain. We lasted 2 months. We broke up multiple times because God was like, he was not the one! I knew it.
I needed a release. I wanted to clear my head from these feelings of that twin. He makes me crazy! I thought we were done, and he lived rent-free in my head. I just sent him a new final text message at 8:18, and this was it. He probably laughed and said, "Okay!
Here it is:
Chaser:
I am thinking about you! I wouldn't say I like this. It's not as bad, but I still miss you.
I am playing a dating game on my show, and I feel like I am cheating on you. 🤣
I was engaged to the guy in London, but we never touched each other because I was stuck on you.
I am done. I will love you from a distance. I wish it was different, but I guess you are something special, and you see me as less than.
Message
I want you to know this: I am a gift. I am the person you pray for. I view you the same way—as a king!
I will never violate my morals, but I want to see their peace go beyond my feelings for you.
I love you, though. I don't care if the world knows. I will miss the thought of you, but I have to let go.
I saved myself for you😄 even though you were living.
Bye, my beautiful person. I love you for the gifts.
Bye, person💋
Thoughts “After the text”
I almost always feel stupid. That wasn't the last text. He replied, “Thank you!” I said I wanted to talk to him, and he left me on read. He ignored me.
That pissed me off, but it triggered me to write, which is good. That's their job to help us grow in some ways. Even as I write, I am starting to believe that he is not the one. I think I knew that, but every time things go wrong, I seek refuge in him. He is strong, powerful, and knows who he is to me—just a lesson. I just realized that this would go on until my real person came. Wow! That's eye-opening. My words on paper show me my reality. Damn!
I needed to meet him. It was my mission. I made him strong against people who only wanted him for who he was, even though I didn't know him. He thinks I do. He has prepared me for a life on my own as he is living. Wow! He didn't do a good job because now I want to spend my life with him. I pray this is a side effect because I am at peace when he is not on my mind. I can sit alone.
I saw him at the club again for two minutes. He came to get his so-called drunk friend. He hugged me, lied, and said I would be back. He never came back. I was good, though. I had to send a text message 🙄.
Chaser:
Hey,
I want you to know that I am a little disappointed that you would show your face and disappear. At first, I was happy because I thought you had changed. Maybe you genuinely wanted to see me.
I believe you understand our connection, which is so wild that you would show up and disappear.
This validates all of the visions I had about you.
It doesn't change anything. You are who you are, and I am who I am. I am no longer angry that we never came together. After seeing your face, I prayed and realized what this was.
I will always feel something, but it will no longer control my heart.
I remembered all of our conversations, and they were all one-sided. I release the need to be with you, especially after seeing your face, and you never came back.
I want you to know that if you ever made a prayer for love, I was your prayer being answered.
I am most certain you were mine. I get everything you are to me. I saw it.
I no longer see it because I prayed for its release.
I should have never contacted you again, but I did.
A fool for love that no one but me will ever understand because you choose the world.
I pray you remember our conversations from when we first met until you began to run from me.
I am grateful you have helped me become who I am today. Thanks again!
Your intentions were probably to make me feel thankful and doubt myself. You have made me love myself so much, and guess what? Despite your intentions, I am still going to win!
I still love and pray for you. I release the need to be with you.
I will wait for my special someone and kiss a ton of frogs until he comes.
Twin, I know we would have been amazing together, but now we will never know.
This text was for me. I release your hold on my heart and call back my energy. I pray for your peace and promise you will never hear from me again. ✨️💛
12/7/2024
I wish I could remember the date of that final text message. It was the final one. I no longer feel a thing. As I texted this, I just heard out of sight, out of mind. I want to give all honor to God and my spirit team. This was a journey. I am finally off.
I don't think he is my actual twin-flame. He was sent to assist me with this journey until the true twin came along.
I am releasing this today. There are plenty of grammatical errors, but I am going to leave them. This is the piece of me. I pray it saves you.
This was supposed to be a book. I am not sure what it will be. Thanks to my twin flame, I am finally off the roller roster. One day, he pulled the plug. He said, “That's the problem! I am not your person; you don't own me!” At that moment, I realized he had free will, and he activated it.
I was off the hamster wheel, free because I felt that way. I learned what I needed from him, and he knew what he needed from me.
This journey was a genuine struggle. I am calling it survival of the fittest. I am truly free.
I can say from the karmic to him I lost everything except me. I am still smiling. I have a successful platform with thousands of followers. I just heard more to come.
This was a true testimony of my faith. I don't know what the future holds, but guess what? I hold myself in the highest of regards, and no man or no other person could ever alter my perception of April Baker! I am free; if you made it here, you are too.
Follow me on all my platforms. This is the beginning. The book is coming. There will be no text messages, only images and words of the transitions. Stick around!
12/22/2024 7:52 am
I am reading this passage, and Grammarly jammed me up with the spell check. I pray I corrected all the errors. I was about to delete it, and then I thought someone may need to see it.
I now see he was toying with me, he told me on a phone conversation. I love the fact that you want me so badly. I read this and realized he used the hell out of my energy. I am grateful because what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I can say that today is my new beginning. The Winter Solace has began and so have I!
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